Why We Are Choosing Special Needs

I keep getting asked by folks why we are choosing to adopt both internationally and a child with special needs. I have a couple answers to that. 

First, I should just be honest with you and say, I don’t know.  We just want to obey God.  We are confident that he is leading us to adopt an Asian child with special needs.  We figure that will be easier to do to if we adopt a child from China and request that he has special needs.  It’s just a hunch, but there are probably more Asians in China than in America. 

And the need is great. With China’s one child policy, little boys with imperfections as minor as birthmarks and as profound as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome are literally abandoned in the streets. Is there a more special need than to not be left an orphan? 

Also, I’ve come to realize I have a pretty high threshold for weird. Things that would drive others batty make me feel comfortable. Speech delay?  Been there. Done that. Got the best speech therapist in my county on speed dial.  Born addicted to drugs?  Dude, I literally give speeches about that. Infectious Disease?  They already know me at MCV. Missing a limb?  I’m all over it. Deaf child? I’m friends with a woman who used to teach ASL at the college level.  Autism? I’ve got friends who are already giving me information. 

Don’t believe I’m being glib about this. I know special needs are profound game changers. I’ve cried alongside friends over the heartaches their children must bear. I know it will be hard. I know it will hurt. 

By being friends with some women who have children with special needs, I’ve noticed a couple of things.  Having a kid who has weekly doctor’s appointments or physical therapy sessions is simultaneously a heartache and a joy.  It is both a huge deal that changes everything and also just another thing you have to figure out.  My son will be my son and his needs will just be his needs.  And we will meet them as God provides.  We will struggle with making sure that Charlie doesn’t get all our energy and affection.  We will struggle with Henry and Grace learning that they may need to have fewer things because of Charlie.  We will struggle to relearn what our family’s “normal” looks like. 

There’s also a selfish part of this. I have a friend who has a son with Prader-Willi syndrome. You’ve probably never heard of that. It’s rare. And it is a difficult and complicated diagnosis. But my friend is also just a regular Mom Really. She’s awesome and I love her, but like most of us, she doesn’t always get to bathe every day, her house only gets really cleaned before company comes over, and, at any given moment, she probably has food stuck to her shirt. She doesn’t have wings or a halo. But here’s the thing—she looks more like Jesus than anyone I know. She is an advocate—at times knowing more about her son’s diagnoses than pediatricians. She is a cheerleader, a teacher, a comforter, a Mommy. The pain she bears for the sake of her son enables her to see many things rightly. She doesn't sweat the small stuff, because frankly, she just doesn't have time. And I want that. I want a family that reflects the goodness of God.  The end.

I want my family to be aware of its need for Jesus. I want us to never get so self-sufficient that we forget who is the Great Provider. I want for all of my kids to know what real love looks like—a love that doesn’t count the cost of suffering, a love that chooses to be uncomfortable for the sake of another, a love that values joy over happiness, redemption over ease, reconciliation over smoothness, grace over rightness, resurrection over complacency. 

And, there’s also this:

When I was lost, broken, spiritually paralyzed, and an enemy, Jesus came for me.  He left the comforts of heaven and came to the chaos.  For me.  And he was not content to just forgive.  He was not content to just make me right before the Father.  No, He adopted me.  He gave me a family.  He gave me an inheritance.   And there’s nothing like the surety of love to set you free from all your fears.

We can do this.

By Elizabeth Phillips, group member, adoptive mom, and writer at Elizabethtown-blog.com.